The Names We Give Our Grandparents

Gramps? Grandpa? Pop-Pop? How do we decide what to call these beloved family members?

(Graphic by Paul)

Note: This post is not paywalled. Enjoy! — Paul

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Earlier this week I wrote about an old receipt that my grandmother saved. Today I want to follow up with another story related to her — one that I’m pretty certain many of you can relate to.

Here’s the deal: Shortly before my father died in 2009, he gave me his childhood stamp collection. He had kept the collection in an album that his parents gave to him as a Chanukah present in 1935, when he was 11 years old. I know that’s when they gave it to him because of this inscription on the first page:

Someone had very nice handwriting. (Photo by Paul)

Yes, my father’s name was Irwin. But I’m more interested in the other two names: “Dad” and, especially, “Mommy.”

My paternal grandparents’ names were Charles and Fannie, but of course I never knew them by those names. In fact, I didn’t know my grandfather at all — he died in 1966, when I was a toddler (and my other grandfather died long before I was born). But my grandmother — the same one who saved the refrigerator receipt — was a big part of my life until her death when I was 16, and I knew her as Nanny. That’s what my parents always called her, and that’s how my mom still refers to her when she comes up in conversation. I’ve always known that she was my father’s mother, of course, but I still find it a bit jarring to see that she signed the stamp album as “Mommy,” because I never knew her in that role.

And that’t the thing: “Mommy” and “Nanny” aren’t just names, they’re roles, and grandparents end up playing both of them.

My other grandmother — my mom’s mom — went by Nana. So we had Nanny and Nana, which could occasionally be confusing when they were both in the same room. I recently asked my mother how these two nicknames were chosen. She said she wasn’t sure, but she thinks my grandparents were consulted about what they wanted to be called, and those were the names they chose.

My two brothers and I all opted not to have kids of our own, so we never had to address the issue of generational nicknames. Or to put it another way, I’m very ignorant on this topic. So here are some questions (feel free to post your responses in the comments):

• If your grandparents were alive when you were growing up, what did you call them? Do you know how those names were chosen?

• If you have kids, what do they call their grandparents (i.e., your parents and in-laws), and how were those names arrived at?

• If you are a grandparent, what do your grandchildren call you, how was that name chosen, and how do you feel about it? Also, does it ever feel weird for your nickname to toggle back and forth (between “Dad” and Grandpa,” say), depending on which generation you’re interacting with?

• If you think you’ll probably become a grandparent, have you thought about what you’d like to be called?

• Any related issues worth addressing?

Again, I realize this is probably basic stuff for most families, but not so much for mine. Thanks in advance for educating me on this topic!

Paul Lukas has been obsessing over the inconspicuous for most of his life, and has been writing about those obsessions for more than 30 years. You can contact him here.